My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
