I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
