bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Mom said you looked used
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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