I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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