she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You are the jesus of drinking
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
