I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
