Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
