In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
