I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
