just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
