Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
