i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
