im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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