Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize