ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
