Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
