Duck Duck Cougar?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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