I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
