God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
