Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
