just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
