I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
