I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My dick has a subreddit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
