I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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