am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
