So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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