I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
