At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
