i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
