I can text with my tongue
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
