I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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