How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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