How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
