to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
