so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
BRING THE BAGELS
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
