I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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