Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize