I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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