Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
