Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
