If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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