Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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