she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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