The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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