Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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