Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
