i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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