we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
