Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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