drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
