On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Your penis caused this!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
