i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize