I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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