My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
