no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
