im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
