In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
