i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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