Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
