oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
