I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
