Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
