I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
