And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
