Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My feet surprised me
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