Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
