Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
