She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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