There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
