It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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