If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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