I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My dick has a subreddit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
