mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
