We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
