Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
