When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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